Suicide and language.

Commit suicide.” Two words traditionally, even facilely, used to describe the act of self-killing. They speak to the common perception of suicide which, if corrected, might help to reduce its incidence. I had never questioned the use of this phrase until my son took his life. He was an accomplished physician in his mid-30s who suffered from bipolar disorder. The hollow distance between the fullness of the years he lived and the rich potential of those that were lost was immense. To keep alive the vitality of my son’s life and spirit, and to help prevent similar tragedies, I initiated a campaign to establish in his memory a research chair in suicide studies at the University of Toronto — the first of its kind in North America. This fact in itself attests to the silence that has historically surrounded the issue of suicide. As the campaign progressed I realized that raising awareness about this act of despair was as important as raising money. The shame of those who have been bereaved by suicide is based in the fear of being associated with the forbidden act. It necessitates a repression of emotion and ends in denial — in pretending that the self-killing did not occur. The bereaved and those who merely observe collude in a silence that disallows compassion and understanding. Shame — or the presumption of shame — produces embarrassment in others. The result can be gross insensitivity. One young woman described to me how after her husband took his life her neighbours would cross to the other side of the street when she took her children for a walk, apparently to avoid having to talk to them. When a tragedy is not spoken of openly there can be no true sympathy, sharing or healing. Silence is often an effort to avoid the “contamination” of suicide. A large corporation whose president had taken his life declined to make a donation to our fund-raising campaign for fear that such a contribution would open the door to unwanted, deprecating publicity. Such responses only serve to exacerbate the stigma of suicide, to preclude open discussion about it and to discourage research that may help to prevent it. We should bear in mind how the removal of the shame and stigma of cancer and AIDS has helped to promote research efforts and the hope of a cure. This stigma must also be removed from suicide, which is sometimes called “the last taboo.” But how can this be done?